If The End Is Near

If the end is near, I want to spend my time having fun with my son while we awake each day to a beautiful bright sun.  If the end is near, I want to focus on the things, the people and the places that are most important to me.  If the end is near, then I'd rather be home with my teenage son loving, laughing and crying in a way that we have never done.  If the end is near then nothing that we've done or will do will matter much once we take that final breath.  And if the end is near, I want to be as free and liberated as possible without physical restrictions.  I want to let my spirit run free, move on instinct and affirm the greatness within that has come from a masterful creator.  If the end is near and it is inevitably always at your door then why not do the things that you have never ever done before in life.  Only if the end is near.

DEAD PREZ - The Beauty Within

Cheryl 'Pepsii' Riley - Thanks For My Child

The Significance of Closure

At the end of each year, folks around the world take personal inventory of accomplished goals, missed opportunities and prospects for tomorrow.  With 21 days left before this year is officially over, I have taken the time to focus on the importance of closure and self-reflection.  I began this digital diary at the start of 2010 thinking that this was a great medium for sharing my personal message and hearing from folks out in cyberspace about their experiences.  The only drawback is that my marketing tactics were weak and nearly non-existent.  What the blogs have morphed into resembled more of journal pages in digital format for public view.  However, I am appreciative of the courage to begin to share myself with such candor.  Today I know that this journey would not have been complete if I did not comprise a list of the things that actually got completed in 2010.  At this moment I want to acknowledge myself for the following:

1. Having the courage to start the Brown Girls Talk Blog
2. Inviting a few friends to actually read my words
3. Self publishing my 1st self-help book entitled "Always the Victor, Never A Victim: Healing, Loving & Laughing While Affirming Yourself
4. Taking 2 all female trips to New Orleans & Las Vegas for the 1st time in my life
5. Visiting 2 cities in California for the purposes of relocation
6. Driving cross country to relocate to San Diego, CA
7. Applying and entering a PhD program
8. Submitting, serving and awaiting the final decree for a divorce
9. Living on my own for the 1st time in my life
10. Caring for my mother who had major surgery

While the aforementioned accomplishments may not seem so grand, they are events which have made me feel a sense of pride.  They can be used as reminders for what I am capable of achieving despite the appearance of madness and confusion all around.  The way we begin a thing is typically the way that we end it.  I'd like to believe that I began 2010 with a sense of strength and resilience.  And it is only natural that I close the year out in the same way.  Although there are some other areas which I intend to bring closure to by December 31, I know that acknowledging my personal accomplishments had to get completed.

My Poppa: A Gift from God

At this time on the gregorian calendar, millions of people around the world are preparing to give, receive, purchase and make gifts for their family, friends and folks in need.  While I support any effort that brings joy, peace and happiness to the planet, I thought it necessary to express my sincere gratitude for the greatest gift that I have ever been blessed to receive.
His name is Poppa. He is my 1st and only child to this date.  He has been the greatest gift that any woman could ask for in life.  I acknowledge that Poppa is not some academic, athletic or artistic prodigy according to society's standards, yet he is my prodigy.  Poppa is unique in his walk, talk and overall swagger, and for that I am thankful.  Although we don't always see eye 2 eye, I love this adolescent on a cellular and molecular level.  You don't share a body with a person for nearly a year and sever the connection because they physically detach.  We are bonded for life.  He may not always respond to my requests, screams and frustrations on their initial projection.  Yet, we are bonded for life.  He may use all types of profane verbiage while playing his PS3, but he is my gift from God.  To me Poppa is a great humanitarian, orator, leader and spiritual warrior in his own right.  He is a baby soldier on a journey, and we are on this battlefield together.  He is the 5 star general of his life, and I am his 2nd in command.  I can't imagine what it means to be "public enemy #1" i.e. black man in America, yet I can envision a transformed existence for God's greatest gift to me.  Although our journey together began a while ago, this is the 1st time that I am consciously choosing to walk the path beside Poppa.  Not taking the lead like some overbearing control freak of a mother.  Not taking the back like some disempowered soul.  Gonna grab his hand and forge into the seemingly uphill battle called life and conquer the fears, the frustrations and the upsets together.  I figured since I have been blessed with a gift from God, I must honor, cherish and reverence the Creator that dwells within My Poppa.  For this gift, I am eternally grateful.

I Call It Spirit

Whew! What a ride this has been.  Today is the first opportunity that I have taken to compose any words on this page since I published my 1st book back in April.  The title of the book is "Always the Victor, Never a Victim: Healing, Loving & Laughing While Affirming Yourself."  Now that was a mouthful, yet befitting of all that has occurred over the last several months as well as what it has taken for me to get through every valley and mountain.  In the words of Maya, "And still I rise." The journey that I want to share is not a recount of how I drove cross country with my cat Vinny with a few shekels in my wallet and an even fewer number of shekels in the bank.  The journey that I want to share is that of a spiritual nature.  Spiritual in the sense of there being a force greater than anything that I could ever imagine.  I know this to be the truth because my journey would not have been possible without that awesome power.  Each day that I awaken, I have the opportunity to pray, meditate, affirm and write.  I use all of these tools to govern my every motion because I know that they are what have me be empowered in living a life that I absolutely love even when it seems impossible.  The faith that I have in the Creator is combined with unseen and expectancy.  While I can't see the miracle, I have my arms outstretched and my basket ready to receive the blessings that are promised to the good and righteous.  Note that I didn't say perfect.  Even in my imperfections, I believe that the Universe will grant me favor.  For when I expect much, and work in the direction of greatness, I am rewarded heavily.  There is no mystery and simultaneously the mystery continues.

The Spring of Life

The month of March brings with it the hopes and fears of a new season that awaits on the horizon, and still the ever lingering anchor of an old season phasing out.  Such is true with the growth and development in our lives.  Human beings have the propensity of allowing our feelings and emotions to travel on the same solstices as the four seasons.  Hence, feelings of despair, sadness and down right depression are prevalent in many during the winter months.  For the purposes of this month's blogs, I'm choosing to focus on the welcoming of a new and vibrant season that is far out, yet close enough to envision.  I'm zeroing in on the upswing.

I am in the spring of my life.  All living organisms have stages and changes that must be experienced in order for life to exist. For the past few months, I have been experiencing a deep dark wintery life.  Managing a divorce, raising a teenage male child in the inner city and selecting a career that makes me feel alive and vibrant most days.  Well, those cold and clueless days are behind me for the moment.  I am embracing the possibilities and hopes that lie before me that are visible and fathomable simultaneously.
The frightening part is that I have no idea of what is to come next, yet I am fearless enough to keep moving, living and loving to find out what the universe has in store for the adventurous one.

In the spring of my life, I am taking no prisoners and holding no hostages.  I am living for the moment and living for myself.  My life is loaded with solutions and answers, and I am uncovering those secrets each day.  Each day I perform daily rituals which include praying, meditating, exercising, affirming and writing.  These are mandatory practices that I have implemented in order for my life to be one that I love.  There is no turning back at this point.  I have lost some lovers and some friends, but this is a part of the journey when spring is coming.  Old things must die so that new life can make its way and thrive.
I am indeed in the spring of my life.

While spring time is accompanied by rain, clouds and dampness, I know that the sunshine looms in the background awaiting its opportunity to be known.  Recognizing the rainbow before it is visible informs me that we are in the spring of our lives.